Survey: Which hymn do you wish was banned from church?

THO Staff — Thu, 13 Dec 2007 15:05:10 +0000

Below are some of the comments submitted by readers who took our last survey.

Jeff C. – D-Ville, PA: Hymn: "A Mighty Fortress Is Our God"; Why?: First, it takes forever to sing. It divides the word cruel into like 8 syllables, plus since he is really Superman’s arch nemesis, is it a good idea to sing songs by Luther?; THO’s Response: Pope Leo X was Superman? Wow, did we have that one wrong…
Gene – Intercourse, PA: Hymn:
"Make Us, O God, A Church That Shares"; Why?: I know it sounds fake, but this is a real hymn. We sang it in church once, and I couldn’t believe it. What’s next, ‘"Make Us, O God, A Church That Eats Our Vegetables?"; THO’s Response: It doesn’t sound any faker to us than the name of your town.
Two Dogs – Squaw Creek, OR: Hymn: "Rock of Ages"; Why?: Although it is Aged, it never, ever Rocks! What the heck is, "cleft for me," anyway!? That’s only the second line, and by then I’m ready to send the organist to their reward, permanently, and bury him/her inside of the organ, never to be exhumed again, with a leaking barrel of PCBs as a tombstone. Rabid weasels ripping my flesh, or a 3rd-world root canal has much more appeal than enduring that dreary dirge once more. I love our beloved senior saints, but it is the only hymn that makes me actually hate old people! But maybe you want to hear how I actually feel….?; THO’s Response: (Backing slowly away) Um, sure. Maybe later?
Rowdy B. – McDonough, GA: Hymn: "Hymn 210"; Why?: That one has always bugged me. Something about that 2nd verse just doesn’t sound right.
Chad M. – Atlanta, GA: Hymn: "All of them"; Why?: Because my Emerging Church insists on re-doing hymns with face-melting guitar solos and loud drums as a way to pander to the old crowd and young crowd at the same time. It just plain sucks. I wish we would just play "Shout to Lord" every week.; THO’s Response: Man, that does suck, Chad. We’re sorry to hear they’re forcing your to attend that church.
Kevin – Richmond, KY: Hymn: "Amazing Grace"; Why?:
Verse 1 says "wretch like me." This is too self degrading. If Joel Olsteen doesn’t preach it, we shouldn’t sing it. Verse 6 says "bright shining like the sun." Too much reference to human induced global warming. It would be better sung "bright shining like a florescent bulb."
Jay – Stockton, CA: Hymn: "Open the Eyes of My Heart"; Why?: I know it’s not a hymn, but in the name of all that is holy, sing unto the Lord a NEW song.; THO’s Response: We didn’t catch that. Could you please repeat your answer a few times?
Dan P. – Roswell, NM: Hymn: "How Great Thou Art"; Why?: I have seen grown men hurt their chances for ancestry trying to hit the high notes in that song.
Davy – Fort Worth, TX: Hymn: "Super Mario Bros Theme"; Why?: Because I don’t think we should be worshiping Mario, which might be why I’ve never heard this song during Church.; THO’s Response: Probably best to ban it, just in case.
Jeremiah B. – Corpus Christi, TX: Hymn: "Jesus, Republican at Thy Birth"; Why?: Jesus was clearly a Libertarian.; THO’s Response: Does that mean Ron Paul actually has a chance? Sweet.
Ann-Marie M. – Ontario, Canada: Hymn: "How Great Our Joy"; Why?: Every time I hear this song I throw up a little. Singing it year after year in choir the ‘Joy Joy Joy’ part gives me nightmares.
Elrood – IL: Hymn: "There Is a Fountain Filled With Blood"; Why?: EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!! GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!; THO’s Response: Good point.

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Survey: Which hymn do you wish was banned from church?