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VOLUME 1 • ISSUE 6   |   Release date: November 15, 2003

In This Issue
Second Coming Thwarted
Denominational Unity
Christians Believe Anything on Internet
"Holidays" Blamed for Low Attendance
Bow Hunting Analogies Increase
Top 10 Worst-Ever Life Verses
Survey Results
November Church Sign of the Month

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What's your favorite sin that you wish wasn't a sin at all?
Survey results and user comments

Below are some of the votes and comments submitted by readers who took last month's survey.

SailorGurl - Landlocked, NY

Voted for: Foul Language
Reason: Can someone please quote me an f'ing (as in "fortifying") Scripture that says swearing is a sin? What the h-e-double-hockeysticks gives with some people? Edifying, my asterick. Some people are just too narrow-minded to appreciate truly colorful language. A good string of expletives is damned poetry.

Lisa Condon - Rochester, NY
Voted for: Gluttony
Reason: There's nothing like a great meal drenched in a buttered herb sauce, topped with a triple-layer chocolate caramel cake for dessert to satisfy the stomach....I mean....the soul.

Sandra Cranfill - Billings, MT
Voted for: Adultery
Reason: My husband is getting fat!

Jeremy Hines - Utica, MI
Voted for: Streaking
Reason: Have you ever done anything that makes you feel so free? The wind
on your...well, you know what I'm talking about!

Jeremiah Chaffee - Geneva, NY
Voted for: Coveting
Reason: The word "covet" just souds so cool! Coveting sounds so exotic. Besides, my neighbor has the best donkey in the neighborhood.

Darlene Washington - Sioux Falls, IA
Voted for: Gossip
Reason: I heard this one guy got, like, excommunicated or something from the Baptist church down the road. I guess he was going around telling people that the deacon's daughter was pregnant by the high school quarterback or something. And now the deacon is thinking about resigning. That's what I heard anyway. Anyway, I wouldn't want to get excommunicated for telling people important church news like that.

Jess - Buffalo, NY
Voted for: Sins of the Tongue
Reason: Not to pat myself on the back but, I'm just really good at those. I mean, who dosen't enjoy a good sarcastic quip or some honest criticism? And what about argumentation? I took a course in argumentation from my liberal arts christian college for C#$&*!'s sake!

The Red Bearded Pianist - Chesapeake, VA
Voted for: Avarice (def.)
Reason: For one thing, it just sounds cool. AVARICE! It's like a DeathMetal band. Anyway, as a musician, I wish that I could reap the benefits of all the money that the U.S. of A. spends on the arts. Hey, we're 51st behind Guam this year! But because I'm not allowed to be greedy, I guess I'll keep the ice cream truck.

Mike - Pville
Voted for: Gluttony
Reason: Man am I hungry.

Winona Simpkins - Tacoma, WA
Voted for: Gossiping
Reason: Some people really deserve to be gossipped about. So I guess not
turning the other cheek is one I'd like to do away with as well.

Andy - Wilmington, NC
Voted for: Masturbation
Reason: Why? Are you serious?

Ron - Cathedral City, CA
Voted for: Intellectualism
Reason: My last church condemned me for this when I refused to believe one of their dogmas. I tried to reason with them by quoting a scripture that stood in stark contrast to what they were saying, and I was told I should avoid "intellectualism" as it wasn't healthy. So maybe it's not quite a sin, but if God gave me a brain, I ought to be able to use it.

Jade - Holland, MI
Voted for: Sexual Immorality
Reason: I could have sex with any girl at any time, and it would be okay!
THO's Response: Jade, that's a very interesting premise you have. It seems that you may not understand what the word "could" means. I think you actually mean you may have sex with any girl at any time. And "may," only in our hypothetical moral sense. Really, even if having sex with any girl at any time was permissible by God, I have a hunch that it would remain impermissible by "any girl," regarding someone like you. And when I say "someone like you," I mean you—based on your overly presumptuous reasoning.

Rev. Thomas Scott Painter (R-FL) - Orange Park, FL
Voted for: Death
Reason: The wage of sin is death, so it's obvious that everbody who dies is a sinner and is thus going straight to Hell. We really need to work on not commiting this particular sin because it's impact upon our lives is tremendous.

M.S. - Oswego, NY
Voted for: Watching R-Rated Movies
Reason: I feel so dirty when the movie is over, but I keep coming back. R-rated movies are just more funny than the others.

Deanna - Topeka, KS
Voted for: Gluttony
Reason: Come on. You all know you want to work your way through a gallon of Ben and Jerry's with impunity.
THO's Response: Ben & Jerry's comes in a gallon container!? Whoa! There must be like 768 grams of fat in there!

Bob Klages - Keyport, NJ
Voted for: Covetousness
Reason: Because there is so many nice things in the world that I would really like to have.

Voted for: Roadrage (i.e. Shooting a bazooka at outrageously speeding freeway drivers)
Reason: no comment
THO's Response: Is this while driving? In order to be consistent, maybe you should've also put a vote in for "Driving While Operating a Bazooka."

Walter Sherman - Henderson, NV
Voted for: Gambling
Reason: If the state doesn't have a law against it, it shouldn't be a sin, either.

Tom Hawkins - Rochester, NY
Voted for: Selling Drugs to Middle-Schoolers
Reason: Does this really need an explaination?

Alfonzo Contreras - Oceanside, CA
Voted for: Lust
Reason: Staci Orroco is soooo hot!

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