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VOLUME 2 • ISSUE 2   |   Release date: June 15, 2004

In This Issue
Shutdown Season: Willow Creek Closes for Summer
Bands Sport 'The Mac'
Waitress Rejoices Over Promotion
Bush Needs Fundamentalists Vote
Valedictorian Fails to Cite PDL
Top 10 Youth Group Activities
Survey Results
June Church Sign of the Month
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What law is most acceptable for Christians to break?
Survey results and user comments

Below are some of the votes and comments submitted by readers who took last month's survey.

Brian - Edinburgh, Scotland
Voted For: Downloading Music
Reason: It's okay as long as it's Christian music, right? Not only does it spread the word, it stops Christian musicians from becoming rich, with all the temptations wealth brings. You can get free music AND save the artist's soul!

Kevin - Rochester, NY
Voted For: Any animal rights law
Reason: I should be able to eat any animal I want to without any legal repercussions. And it would be environmentally friendly. I would tell my kids, ''Well, now that dinner is over, I have an announcement. Fido passed away this morning due to massive head trauma done by a shovel. I know he meant a lot to you, and I want you to know this: He'll always be a part of you... ...because you just ate him.''

John - Seattle, WA
Voted For: Speeding
Reason: My car was designed to go fast, it would be a sin not to let it do what it was made for.
THO's Response: John, we think we need to have a little talk. We're all about letting people do what they were made for. Just make sure you only do it if you really love driving. And protect yourself! with a seatbelt. Driving with double protection is always safer, too. Airbags now come standard on most vehicle lines. Most importantly, be prepared to face the consequences if something goes wrong. Don't think you can drive any car as fast as you want and walk away unaffected if you get caught speeding. Maybe you should just wait till you're older. People will respect you if you wait to drive fast.

Eric - Redding, CA
Voted For: Thou Shalt Not Kill
Reason: Why not? I mean, I killed a cat the other day with my car. It was accidental but still, I killed it. I killed that spider that had my daughter screaming last night...what? It's murder? Oh... never mind.

John - Kalamazoo, MI
Voted For: Law of Gravity
Reason: Time is short. Repent!!!

Stu - Bellevue, NE
Voted For: IRS Tax Codes
Reason: Because not even JESUS can understand that mess. If He wanted us to feed the IRS, He would have said ''Render unto Caesar what is Caesar's, unless you are filing separately from your spouse, in which case you render unto Caesar a W4, making exemptions for dependents and adding in the accrued value of all deductibles as stated in Page 6953, Paragraph 6, Line 48B, amen.''

Scott - Orlando, FL
Voted For: All Traffic Laws
Reason: ...judging by all the Ichthus Fish, Jesus Fish, Truth-eating-Darwin Fish, God Is My Co-Pilot, In Case Of Rapture, etc., I see all over the rear ends of offending vehicles.

Lori - Fort Worth, TX
Voted For: Gravity
Reason: I know it's not a traditional Bill of Rights, driving, marriage, having kids, or school law, but the law of gravity would apply because we're going up to Heaven, and I know I'm not coming back down!!!! :)
THO's Response: We're not sure you understand the science behind divine ascension, whether regarding Elijah, Christ, or Christians in the future. The reason we don't just float around all day is because the downward force of gravity equals the upward force the Earth exerts on our feet. Or, in the case of freefall, the downward force of gravity exceeds the upward force the atmosphere exerts on our bodies. Divine ascension isn't based on God removing the downward force of gravity. Rather, he miraculously provides a great upward force. For Elijah, a whirlwind lifted him upwards. There are many ways God could manipulate the air around us to cause ascension. None of which require breaking His enacted law of gravity. PS – Gravity isn't even a non-traditional Bill of Rights.

Lisa - Rochester, NY
Voted For: Any law that Jesus broke
Reason: If the law is irrelevant enough for Jesus, then it's irrelevant enough for me. Working on the Sabbath? Causing public disturbances in temples? Stealing other people's donkeys? Evading arrest? Bring it on.

Frances H. - Fremont, CA
Voted For: Speeding
Reason: My life is too purpose-driven to slow down for anything!

Susann - Amarillo, TX
Voted For: Either Speeding or Defamation Laws
Reason: It's really a toss-up which laws are more hindering. On one hand, defamation laws prevent true and soul-searing proselytizing. How can you convert someone if you don't condemn every detail of their sins? Traffic laws are just bunk. God will protect us from heathens in hybrid vehicles!

Mary Beth - Susquehanna
Voted For: Speeding
Reason: Speeding laws, because if you don't break them and actually drive the speed limit, you pose more of a threat to everyone else's health!

Hazey - Los Angeles, CA
Voted For: Any and every law...
Reason: ...that gets in the way of loving God with your whole being, and loving others as yourself.
THO's Response: Oh you had us there! We were like, "Whaaaat!!? Every law???" But then we started reading your explanation and figured out there was a condition. Good one, Hazey.

Tim - Cincinnati OH
Voted For: Speeding
Reason: If God meant for us to drive slowly He wouldn't have made cars that can go so fast.

Dave P. - Waukee, IA
Voted For: Campaign Finance Reform
Reason: This fall when CFR kicks in, it will be a federal crime to mention the name of a candidate from the pulpit. It may be illegal, but I believe pastors should ignore this law and go ahead with their sermon about Moses and the burning BUSH, or how Simon the Cyrene was made to KERRY the cross. We've got to defend our freedom of speech!

Greg - Rochester, NY
Voted For: Murder
Reason: Um. Slain in the spirit.

George - London, England
Voted For: Copyright/Music Piracy Laws
Reason: It's good stewardship of our money to buy cheap bootlegs instead of overpriced genuine CDs & DVDs...and if it's Christian music CDs, then we're helping spread the gospel by copying them. A few record companies might lose money - but hey, that's a blessing, too! Blessed are the poor, right?

John - Detroit, MI
Voted For: That law about aborting your children
Reason: Well, it's really not a law that you have to abort you children. But if you listen to ''prospective Democratic candidate John Kerry'' (tm) it should be. He likes to talk about how abortion should be legal and rare. I know full well what he has been doing to make sure it is legal. I am unaware of anything he has ever done to insure that it is rare....

Jeremy - Newburgh, IN
Voted For: Traffic Laws
Reason: Come on!!! As Christians, we should be able to drive as fast as we want whenever we want to!!! We have our guardian angel things on our sunvisors and since Jesus is our co-pilot, he'll make sure we don't get hurt too bad.

Ralph Spoilsport - 18765
Voted For: Asking Congress's permission to wage war against Arabs
Reason: A Crusade is a gift to God.

J. Adair - Yellowknife
Voted For: Worldly
Reason: Any law which forces a Christian to break God's law.

Mark Saunders - Marietta, GA
Voted For: Speeding
Reason: These laws are about revenue generation, not public safety.

Chris Todd - Albertville, AL
Voted For: Speed Limits
Reason: Speed limits are entirely optional for youth groups whose leader woke up late and still wants to make the big event. Risking the lives of children and passers-by is perfectly acceptable if you're worried about getting seats in the nosebleed section. Oh, and make sure you have a fish bumper sticker on your Church van.

Katie - Chicago, IL
Voted For: Traffic Laws
1. About 5 people in America actually abide by all traffic laws.
2. I like to drive fast and if people get in my way I'll creatively (ie. illegally) move around them, lest I be slowed down by them. Anyway, I'm sure more than half the time I have much more important agendas than they do!

J. Chaffee - Geneva, NY
Voted For: Speed Limit
Reason: My guardian angel can fly really, really fast.

Dr. Dave - San Antonio, TX
Voted For: Lev. 19:19 "Clothing of Mixed Weaves"
Reason: Man, ain't nothing wrong with a nice polyworsted suit. Heck, ain't nothin' wrong with powder blue polyester leisure suits either--especially on a man o' gawd with a fine pompadour and a KJV with Strong's Concordance in the back! Mixed weaves beat wool undies any day. Can you imagine a wool thong? God's sheep shouldn't do that....
THO's Response: Usually we don't even allow double negatives in the submissions we post. But since you did it twice they probably cancel out – just like the negative you intended cancels out in each of those statements. As for the undies, your point is especially valid if they are homemade. When you shear the sheep yourself and don't have industrial-grade teasing equipment, impurities tend to remain in the wool—like small burrs.

Eric - Fremont, CA
Voted For: Drunk Driving
Reason: As Christians, we should be permitted to drive under the influence of the Spirit, which often is interpreted as driving under the influence of alcohol.

Ben Walker - Cincinnati, OH
Voted For: Gravity
Reason: Because Jesus did it... you know, at the launching of the Lord.

Lucinda McCollar - Moundsville, WV
Voted For: 55 Speed Limit
Reason: In those famous words: Gonna lock me up for 125. Post my face, I'm wanted dead or alive. Take my license, all that jive I can't drive 55!

Larry Place - Jackson, TN
Voted For: Speed Limit
Reason: Christians do not break the speed limit law; rather, they fulfill it.

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