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VOLUME 1 • ISSUE 3   |   Release date: July 15, 2003

In This Issue
Christ in Tortilla Shell
Hacker Attacks
"Good Morning" Routine Played Out
Millions Damned For Potter-Related Sins
July Church Sign of the Month
Crappy Bands Survey Results

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Woman sees vision of Christ in tortilla shell, eats it
Eternal wisdom may now be fully digested

MEXICO CITY – Though it would be hard for anyone to say how they might react to witnessing a heavenly vision, there is little doubt that most would never think about eating it. But that appears to be exactly what happened here in early June.

Maria Orosco, a 78-year-old mother of two, had just finished making herself a homemade tortilla shell when she says she saw the face of Christ materialize in the shell along with three large paragraphs of what appeared to be Hebrew text. Orosco then covered the vision with beans, wrapped it up and ate it.

"I was hungry," Orosco explained to a throng of reporters following the incident. "This is Mexico. Food doesn't exactly grow on trees."

The world would likely have never known about the vision had not Orosco, overcome with guilt, confessed the whole ordeal to her local priest, Father Jose Colon the next day.

"I convinced her to go public," Colon told The Holy Observer through an interpreter. "I thought it was important for the world to know that God is still speaking to His children. Why he chose to appear to a ravenously hungry woman as a piece of food—well, that's the first question I'll be asking Him when I get out of purgatory."

The reaction from Biblical scholars around the world has manifested itself in a collective expression of utter disbelief.

"We're not talking about some tears on a statue here. This is like if the archaeologists had blown their noses with the Dead Sea Scrolls," said an exasperated Ian Rothchild of the Association of International Bible Scholars. "There's no telling what this message could have been—clarification of the book of Revelation, an answer to predestination versus free will or even a clear message to the Amish to stop living in the past. This woman should be thrown in jail."

Some church leaders were much more forgiving with their comments, however.

"God knew this woman was hungry when he created the vision," said Alberto Hernandez, Mexico's Archbishop. "We can't pretend to know the ways of the Father. Why does God allow suffering? Why do so many willfully live excommunicate from the one true Church? And what's the deal with airline food? These are questions that only God can answer."

Whatever the reason behind the vision, one thing is certain: God won't be slipping any more visions past Orosco.

"I've learned my lesson," said a penitent Orosco. "The next time God appears to me in my food, I'm definitely going to take a picture before I eat it."

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